Tuesday 7 April 2009

Chapter 3- The final solution


When we last left our devoted mother she was busy soaking up the sunshine on top deck ,G and T in one hand ,pest repellent cream in t'other whilst her brood continued their descent into peril!
This time the danger involved a 12 foot fishing line accompanying a rather sharp nasty fish hook and the back of the boat with an unfenced area . A disaster waiting to happen I hear you cry .
Well yes when the mother looked back on it the dangers were fairly obvious even to a squiffy,somewhat shaken , English refugee. However we digress ,at this point in our story the mother was awoken from her now complete intoxication by the cries no mother ever wants to hear " One of the kids has gone over and she's lost my best fishing rod"
At this something in the mother's unconsciousness finally surfaced and with great haste well as much haste as she could muster in the sweltering heat and her own stupor , she swayed to the edge and beheld her eldest in the murky river desperately trying to pull up the rod with head submerged. But fear not as help was at hand in the much trusted Bes ,who at great risk to personal safety jumped in and repeatedly dived to the bottom in search of the rod whilst the now bedraggled child pulled herself from the water's waiting depths and exhausted lay on the deck.
" Do you need a hand " was heard from the upper decks but alas the family heirloom was lost forever .
Despite these initial calamities the fishing continued with renewed vigour and once again our sozzled heroine was pulled to the action with cries of" We've caught a fish ,Help we can't get it in ,We've caught a fish " And sure enough ,accompanied by great screams from the kids and gasps of "Oh my god ,they have caught a fish" from our heroine ,there on the end of the line was a wriggling something as none of the gathered throng had the slightest notion what sort of a fish it was despite there being at least 1 book ,2 vets and a fish identifying ruler present .
" We'll have that for lunch " was all the Bes could muster on her quandary .
A few short screams later a second fish was landed which was an even bigger version of the first and the sharp fins on it this time cut the hands of all who held the beast ." Now we've got 2 of those somethings for lunch" shouted The Bes .
As the evening slowly settled in ,and a beautiful one it was at that ,our adventurers once more gathered on land ,this time to seek out firewood for a large fire, the toasting of marshmallows and regalling of vivid ghost stories .
The night sky darkened and all the families gathered around the dancing flames to partake of the feast only to hear the youngest of our mother's family shout," Mine's on fire ,mine's on fire do something Caitlin!!" Still as the night wore on even the aforementioned youngest became proficient at dropping flaming marshmallows on the forest floor whilst poking a blackened stick in her mother's face and say eat this one i made it just for you.
The now braver mother proceeded to get her own back though telling grisly true horror stories of couples killed by nutters in the forest putting their heads on sticks ,just like she had been told when young to help her get to sleep . However this long family tradition resulted in much sobbing by the gathered children and a please don't tell any more stories like that as the other adults pulled the crazed mother from the fire in an attempt to stop her from terrorising the youngsters .Well maybe 4 years old was too young to hear such stories of blood and gore.
And so our once again sozzled mother was placed in bed in the hope that a good night's sleep would return her to her usual excellent senses.
On waking the next morning however the madness continued with an early morning swim by the agile lady whilst everyone watched in awe at her attempts to swim up river in the opposite direction to the current whilst in fact not moving more than 3 cm .Her exercise for the day thus done she was greeted with yet another G and T or was it a cosmopolitan -the story gets somewhat hazy at this point but suffice to say alcohol was once again consumed , as she emerged onto deck . Twas whilst she was drying herself off that she noticed what initially looked like a large cat leaving the riverbank further down .It was only due to it's large tail and jumping movements that she realised she had indeed forgotten her glasses and it was a kangaroo that had come down to the river to drink!
So we will leave our central character at this point ,with drink once again in hand ,happy at the thought that she had finally seen a kangaroo in Oz and waiting to be taken on a fast ride up river on a boat but that is yet to come.............

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